Tuesday, January 3, 2012


I have been having a rough past few days. Kezia too. We are just so frustrated and angry. We are holding strong and doing small projects. I have a lot to write about and will do so later this afternoon or evening. This morning is reserved for paperwork and phone calls. fun. then the xmas tree needs to be takes down. this is so hard for me. i remember the evening we put it up. Saoirse had such a good night. for a couple of hours. its a great memory. Kezia is going out with her mom and sister so i am going to work on cleaning out the dining room and putting boxes in the basement and then go out to the garage and pull out the wood stove. I miss her so bad. its still like a dream, surreal. its been 3 weeks and i still have the feeling she is going to come walking around the corner. i still hear her playing in the kitchen with her music waker and fridge magnets. i miss feeding her her milk in the morning. watching george or elmo, sometimes dinosaur train or cat in the hat. then when she finished her milk she would get down on the floor and walk over and say hi to fallon. :) fallon really looked forward to this morning ritual. lol. then saoirse would go find some toys to play with, or try to remove all of the DVD's from the shelf. :) she was so funny. she would just talk talk talk. i taught her how to whistle, and apparently it only took 1 lesson. one day i noticed her walking around with her lips puckered and she was just walking around the house exploring and whistling. :) fun memories. more later.

deep breath


  1. Hey Mike,
    Its nice to hear the memories--you write so well that its easy for the reader to picture, and smile at, what you are describing. Time passing doesn't take you farther away from her, it allows you to remember good things and laugh, tainted less and less by the horrible things you remember and are feeling now. Time can't take any more from you. Now it will just allow you to feel her beautiful, kind and funny spirit...

    I know that this shouldn't have happened and maybe could have been prevented, in more than one way. Or maybe it couldn't have, but still shouldn't have happened. You and Kezia have every right to be furious and so frustrated. At everyone. At Doctors. At researchers. At government and funding organizations. At people for not paying attention and/or doing more sooner. At yourselves for not being able to do the impossible. At fate. At everything. Can you find an outlet for the frustration and anger? I'm sure it is overwhelming sometimes.

    Being able to remember the little things that make you smile....Its your reason now. And its what will get you through.

  2. Hugs to you both. I wish no parent had to experience such loss.

  3. I do understand your feeling because it is all true. Liked the memories you shared with us. Very nice and fun memories:)