memoires

I have been having a rough past few days. Kezia too. We are just so frustrated and angry. We are holding strong and doing small projects. I have a lot to write about and will do so later this afternoon or evening. This morning is reserved for paperwork and phone calls. fun. then the xmas tree needs to be takes down. this is so hard for me. i remember the evening we put it up. Saoirse had such a good night. for a couple of hours. its a great memory. Kezia is going out with her mom and sister so i am going to work on cleaning out the dining room and putting boxes in the basement and then go out to the garage and pull out the wood stove. I miss her so bad. its still like a dream, surreal. its been 3 weeks and i still have the feeling she is going to come walking around the corner. i still hear her playing in the kitchen with her music waker and fridge magnets. i miss feeding her her milk in the morning. watching george or elmo, sometimes dinosaur train or cat in the hat. then when she finished her milk she would get down on the floor and walk over and say hi to fallon. :) fallon really looked forward to this morning ritual. lol. then saoirse would go find some toys to play with, or try to remove all of the DVD's from the shelf. :) she was so funny. she would just talk talk talk. i taught her how to whistle, and apparently it only took 1 lesson. one day i noticed her walking around with her lips puckered and she was just walking around the house exploring and whistling. :) fun memories. more later.

deep breath

Hugging the heart

I have had a hard time today. I just had to cry. I was cleaning the kitchen and kept thinking of how Saoirse use to come up and want to play with the dishwasher. I miss that. I would talk with her while i did dishes and she played with her magnets on the fridge. She would just talk talk talk. She loved talking. I just listened and talked with her. Each time she spoke her words grabbed my heart a little tighter. That will never go away.

Deep breath.

I am sad today. I just keep letting myself feel and cry. I am also thinking of good things. Her smile, love of life and her happy moments. I am especially thinking of the night we decorated the tree. That will always be with me. I am comforted knowing that needy children will get some cool and fun toys for xmas.

I am going to chill out a while.