Through out the day my anxiety keeps progressing. I have horrible anxiety sometimes. I am full of emotions and sometimes I just take a walk outside and cry and get some fresh air. I do projects, I read ... yet I am so bored. I want to be hanging out and playing with Saoirse. I also have a difficult time getting that morning out of my mind. Sometimes when I wake up and start my day I feel I will have a good day.. then I don't. Sometimes it starts out bad, then turns ok. I just can't believe how profound, raw and deep my feelings are running. I went out and hummed Saoirse's lullaby to her. I do this every night.
I am just in a deep sadness and I wish I could hold her just one last time. I am just trying so hard to stomp forward one foot at a time. I will.