I miss being a dad. Maybe I fear that if I move on that I will loose that "dad" feeling. I don't know. Today after Kezia went to dance class, I finished planting lettuce and then came in the house to wash my hands. While drying my hands I just stood in the kitchen and I felt the deep quiet. I just felt that I was all alone. It was so quiet I just started crying. I went upstairs to Saoirse's room and sat in the rocker and just cried. I cried hard and loud. It was building up. I have had many moments in the past few days where I just felt full. I knew I needed to cry and let it out. I saw her in her crib, on the changing table.. playing in her room. Then I noticed the little finger prints all over the windows. She loved playing in her room and looking out the window. I never want those windows washed.
We see a lot of people out walking with strollers. I see it in Kezia's eyes that she hurts when she sees this. I haven't been there enough for her. I can and will do better.
Here is a short video I put together of Saoirse reading. Kezia shot it one day as Saoirse was reading her a book and telling a wonderful story. She loved reading and being read to. You can tell that she is so passionate about the story she is reading. Her mind was so strong and imaginative.