The other day we were at Target to get some things. I saw an Elmo book that had hands. I immediately thought "Soairse would love that". And for just a split second i felt I could buy that book and bring it to her. I visioned her facial expression and laugh. then reality set in. then the deep sinking feeling came. all this with-in what seemed like less than a second. I loved finding fun and interactive books and toys for her. I loved her reaction. classic.
Today has been blaaaa. Lots of memories, thoughts, sadness, smiles and joy. It comes and goes. Its nice out today so i just basically walked around the back yard for a while. Just looking at Saoirse's toys out there. remembering how much she loved running around that back yard playing. she had so much fun. So even though i feel blaaa and having a rough day, i still managed to complete some things around the house. feels good.
Sometimes .. well all of the time .. i just can't imagine my life with out Saoirse. i know this is suppose to go away and things get better.. but this is how i feel right now. Monday's can be difficult because almost every monday for the past 8 months or so have been spent at the clinic. i am still in auto mode.
On a good note. Kezia had a taste for chowda last night so we went to a restaurant in Salem where they make homemade. It was quite nice dinner. we had a great conversation and great food. We have been brainstorming ideas for our fund as well as ideas for our company. we are excited because there are a lot of people on our Facebook page that will help make it viral when the time is right.. which will be soon. something big. Look out Neuroblastoma. anyway.. we were just finishing up when our waitress came up to our table and let us know that when we are all finished that we can just leave.. that our bill has been taken care of. we were surprised and a bit thrown. So if you read my blog.. thank you :)
I am a husband. A dad. A business owner. My wife's cancer relapsed. We have a 3 year old. Did I mention my kid died of cancer? I write about all of it.
I love that someone bought you dinner. I think angels are all around you.
ReplyDeleteThat's awesome!!!!!
ReplyDeleteIt's nice to know that we have so many good people in this world! God bless!
ReplyDeleteIt good to read how your doing, you guys are so loved :) God Bless!
ReplyDeleteWow, there are really generous people out there in your state. Maybe they recognize you two in the restaurant from Facebook or somewhere and wanted to help out. Bless their heart!
ReplyDeleteWe will be looking forward to the project you two are working on regarding to the Neuroblastoma.
Thanks for sharing your feelings. You and Kezia are going to help so many families. I am sure you already have and you don't even realize it. Saoirse is going to help others, she already is. And your feeling of life without Saoirse will never go away. In a couple years from now you will still pick up a book and think of her and how she would like it, but you won't feel as sad. Hopefully it will bring a little smile to your face. Don't rush how you are supposed to feel. Go at your own pace. You need to feel everything how you need to feel it. If every day is blaa, please keep writing about it. Nobody here expects you to be having good days. I think we all want you and Kezia to do what's right for you. And even though you feel blaa, you and Kezia are brainstorming on ways to fight Neuroblastoma so you don't even realize how amazing you are! Sending you and Kezia healing thoughts..
ReplyDeleteLynne
You are very loved.
ReplyDeleteYou have a beautiful angel. One day again you will meet and she'll know you. Your posts are so touching, I can feel your sadness and love for your precious daughter. I hope you and your wife someday find peace. I hate being a stranger and not knowing what to say but know this stranger has said a prayer for you and your wife.
ReplyDeleteYou are in my thoughts.
ReplyDelete