The other day we were at Target to get some things. I saw an Elmo book that had hands. I immediately thought "Soairse would love that". And for just a split second i felt I could buy that book and bring it to her. I visioned her facial expression and laugh. then reality set in. then the deep sinking feeling came. all this with-in what seemed like less than a second. I loved finding fun and interactive books and toys for her. I loved her reaction. classic.
Today has been blaaaa. Lots of memories, thoughts, sadness, smiles and joy. It comes and goes. Its nice out today so i just basically walked around the back yard for a while. Just looking at Saoirse's toys out there. remembering how much she loved running around that back yard playing. she had so much fun. So even though i feel blaaa and having a rough day, i still managed to complete some things around the house. feels good.
Sometimes .. well all of the time .. i just can't imagine my life with out Saoirse. i know this is suppose to go away and things get better.. but this is how i feel right now. Monday's can be difficult because almost every monday for the past 8 months or so have been spent at the clinic. i am still in auto mode.
On a good note. Kezia had a taste for chowda last night so we went to a restaurant in Salem where they make homemade. It was quite nice dinner. we had a great conversation and great food. We have been brainstorming ideas for our fund as well as ideas for our company. we are excited because there are a lot of people on our Facebook page that will help make it viral when the time is right.. which will be soon. something big. Look out Neuroblastoma. anyway.. we were just finishing up when our waitress came up to our table and let us know that when we are all finished that we can just leave.. that our bill has been taken care of. we were surprised and a bit thrown. So if you read my blog.. thank you :)