Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Lost, Crying, Cleaning and Doing

I am so very sad today. My pain runs deep. I woke up crying at 8am this morning and stopped at .. well still haven't. I miss Saoirse so so much. I hear her talking, crying, laughing, eating and singing.
I need to go buy a ladder today
I need to go for a walk
I need to clean
I need to do something to help bring better quality of life and a cure for children with Neuroblastoma.
I need to just grieve my daughters death my way.. in my own time with out any pressure.  I talk to people I feel comfortable with. I write. I work. I am excited about planning and building our business. I am excited about having more children. I am excited about working on a few of my art projects. I am excited about spending time with Kezia. I am just so lost sometimes. so i keep busy. I allow myself to feel.

Kezia wrote in her blog today.. please read it.


  1. SO happy to read about your excitements on things to come in addition to your sadness. Of course you need to grieve however you need to. All of our comments here are only suggestions and efforts to show we are thinking of you, but at the end of the day, you have to do what feels right for you. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, as always.

  2. It is alright to feel angry, sad, and other emotions. It helps to express out rather than holding it all inside. I also am glad you two have some plans to do in the future. Take yourself some time away and do what you think, that need to be done.

  3. Most of us can only imagine how deep your pain runs, and how much you miss sweet Saoirse. Everyone grieves differently...there is no right or wrong way. You grieve the way you NEED to grieve. I'm sure there are many different stages you will go through. The important thing is that you and Kezia are there for each other. Only the two of you know what you went through and how you truly feels. Saoirse was truly blessed to have such strong and loving parents fighting for her and her health. Allowing yourselves to feel whatever you need to, and express whatever you need to, are important. We are all here because we feel in love with Saoirse, her wonderful parents, and we prayed and followed your story...and will continue to do so. I am very thankful that both you and Kezia continue to write and share your feelings with your "followers." We are all truly blessed and better people for having known you! God bless you!!

  4. Mike, i have been reading your blog and also your wifes.. Im so sorry for your loss i cant imagine the pain. My daughter is 17 weeks old and has been diagnosed with neuroblastoma.. I have jus started my own blog about Karagh's story