I am sitting here looking at our christmas tree. I can't help but smile because I keep remembering the night we decorated it. Saoirse felt pretty good and had fun bringing ornaments to the tree. We each took a turn helping her hang an ornament. Lol she ran around giggling, talking and carrying ornaments around.
I just watched a video of that night. It helped me feel better and put a smile on my face. I am so glad that was a good night for her. She got to experience the true christmas spirit.. love, family, friends & comfort and peace. She felt that spirit. It helped because I am having a hard time shaking the images of her last moments. It is horrifying. Watching the video helped. I may post the video.
Deep breath.
I began to feel overwhelmed and needed to do something. So i started my laundry, i was due. It is good and important to have some kind of plan today. I really just want to sit and do nothing but watch tv. But I do much better when I do a project. Laundry is my project today :)
I am a husband. A dad. A business owner. My wife's cancer relapsed. We have a 3 year old. Did I mention my kid died of cancer? I write about all of it.
Hello to you from Texas :o) Is it really cold where you live? If not to bad, then fold your laundry OUTSIDE in the sunshine, as it really helps the mood! Not to mention your beautiful baby daughter loved the outdoors too! I pray for your and your wife daily, and am thankful to see you hanging in there...Much love!
ReplyDeleteBeth
http://henryscott.blogspot.com/2011/10/sweet-baby-boy.html
ReplyDeleteMike that is awesome you have a video of that wonderful family time spent decorating the tree. When you watch it, focus on all the joy the tree gave Saoirse. Like you said, she had peace. While her last moments may not have been peaceful at all, she would want you to picture her with an ornament in her hand trying to put it on the tree.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for sharing your thoughts with all of us. Saoirse and your story have taught me so much this year.
Mike, I truly love you so much. You are the inspiration that keeps me going even though suddenly I find myself in the same position as "The Godmother"! I hope I can be as brave as strong for my friends as she was obviously for you. I am so glad that I have your tribute imbedded in my mind and your kind gentle eyes in my heart. I wish I had a video to share with Kathy so she can know that it will be bad and it will be worse but she will laugh and smile sometimes. My BFF Kathy and I were in Ipswich a few weeks ago. It was 70 degrees in November. We went to the ocean and to Wolf Hollow. I was telling my friends about the fundraiser I was planning for you guys. Today, I feel more excited about that. A celebration of the Spring Equinox might be nice. I Love you, Mike and Kezia
ReplyDeleteMike, take comfort in knowing that Saoirse did know true and unyielding love from her family and that she did have joy. Those last moments were bitter I am sure, but the sweet moments like those you have on video are precious memories that you can hold dear in your heart. She was such a lucky little girl to have you and Kezia by her side for her short journey through life. You and your family are in my prayers this Christmas Season. I hope that you are able to find joy in each other.
ReplyDeleteDede
Dear Myke
ReplyDeleteI read a little of their history and could not help but be emotional
I have to express palasvras but I would say - we all in Christ who strengthens us. I will be spending his life example to all my friends here in Brazil
For over one year fought a rectal cancer and after surgery and chemotherapy and radiotherapy sessions was diagnosed with healing ... Because the treatment and believed in the power of God ....
I was with and when you want conhcer my story is to look at my blog - http://vitoriasobreocancer.blogspot.com/
the site name in English - victory over cancer
Marcelo M. Andrade
Santos - Brasil
Mike,
ReplyDeleteI know that it will be a long time before those horrifying last moments will stop being in the forefront of your thoughts. However, I think that one of the things you have done with that reality has been the most powerful for raising awareness of NB and Childhood Cancer. In the CNN article, though I know that only gave a small glimpse of how horrifying the reality of what she went through in her final hours/moments was, it still gave a glimpse of the reality to readers that most are unaware of. I think most people think that children simply 'go peacefully', when in reality, there is usually nothing peaceful about it. That moved people who read that article, and emotions are what drive people to take action.
I am so glad that she was able to participate in a Christmas family tradition and that you have that memory (and video!!). That is huge. I hope that you can watch that and, one day, not think of what happened so shortly after, but just be able to see the happiness and wonder in her and both of you as you get to share it with her. I'm so glad you have that video.
From all the comments I have read from other parents who's ped's have missed initial detection or detection of spread during treatment, I sure wish someone with the means would fund some sort of education piece for doctors on this, the craftiest of diseases. You and Kezia, in sharing the reality of diagnosis, treatment and loss have made that possible, you know. People, including I'm sure, many with high means have been changed by your self-sacrifice and her struggle. Who knows, maybe even some current or future doctors have been inspired to seek change.
Oh, I will be emailing the cell phone texting stuff tomorrow for you to take a look at.
Take care,
Audra
Love, light, happiness, sorrow, joy, giving, grief, everything you should be feeling, Mike.
ReplyDeleteWhere ever you are, what ever you are feeling, stay true to your own inner compass.
You will navigate yourself, from the inside out....or, maybe from the outside in. :-)
There is no right or wrong way on this journey.
Laundry can be such a calm and comfort. It is methodical, and meditative.
I too, have been in your shoes, but as a daughter, loosing a Mother to cancer.
It is a process, grief. You will heal,slowly, in your own organic time frame.
My grief once felt like the empire state building, laying on my chest.
Six years later, I have moments of sorrow, but it is not all encompassing.
I miss my Mom alot, and I surely wish she were here, especially for my ten year old son, who is a child with down syndrome.
He misses her so much, he thinks she got an "ouch" and went to heaven to fix it.
I have been donating to St. Jude for many years now. It is my number one charity and passion.
I would like to make my Xmas donation in your beloved daughter's name, Saoirse.
Peace to you brother, and immense respect.
Gail