Friday, December 23, 2011

I took a shower. Sowers seem very soothing. I can also cry hard and just be alone for a bit. Mornings are difficult, but so are the hours from Noon to 2is. That was Saoirse's nap time. I am still locked into a schedule. I have been having an up and down day today. I miss Saoirse badly. I just get completely baffled thinking that she is not physically in this home. In our lives. I just don't get it. I just want her to know that we think of her every day, all day. That we are not ever going to forget. I just want her to know this. 

Deep breath.

What were her last thoughts? Was she thinking of what we whispered to her right before she passed away? Was she thinking of elmo? Curious George? Fallon? a song? Me? Kezia? Was she freaked out? Was she thinking about a bottle of milk? Her room? toys? her house and yard? I miss her so bad.

Deeper breath. 

Sometimes I think of these things. Sometimes I don't. She just wanted to go to sleep. 


  1. I am so sorry for you, I am thinking of the 3 of your constantly wishing this was all a really terrible nightmare. Sending you and Kezia love.

  2. may be you can launch a star for her for this holiday season:

  3. Nothing happens without a reason. Please, be strong. You'll see her again and I know she's right next to you :)

  4. I like to think that she heard the beautiful things you whispered to her - that she felt your warm love, and that she knew how loved she was as she drifted from this life to the next.

  5. She knew Mike, she knew. And when you feel someone's love, really feel it, it wraps you up. You feel less pain, you aren't scared, you can relax, and you just feel it. Maybe I don't know enough to say, but I think maybe when you started to whisper to her that this happened to her...she felt your love and was able to relax enough to go to sleep, despite everything. It was a last loving gift you and Kezia were able to give to her here on this earth--to give her what she needed, take it all away and let her just feel your love so that she could go to sleep, which she so needed. She left this world feeling you and Kezia's love Mike, not the rest.