I am forcing myself to write. Today I am going to get up in front of a lot of people and talk about Saoirse. I have wanted to be left alone all day by everyone except Kezia. My dad made a wonderful breakfast for everyone.. love his breakfast. My parents and family are wonderful and a tremendous support through-out the past year and I don't know what I would have done with out them.
I feel so lost because I have noting to plan, nothing to make, I can't feed my baby or put her down for a nap. It is almost 1pm and I keep listening for the crib monitor to start squeaking Saoirse's voice. She would be getting close to waking up from her nap. I loved so much running up there and seeing her smile as I walked in her bedroom door. Picking her up. She would immediately point to the stairs and cup her little hands, like she was milking a cow. Her sign for milk. I miss that. I tried so hard to protect her. to make sure she was warm, safe and comforted.
I will write more in time, maybe tonight after we get home. More than likely it will be tomorrow. I need to write, to get my thoughts out. I think it is important to share and connect.
We are bringing her ashes home tonight. We brought them a curious george lunch box we want them to put her ashes in.