The last few days I have allowed myself to try to have some fun and enjoy what we are doing. Its been difficult. Very difficult. Everything I do reminds me of Saoirse and I vision her with us. Saoirse loved horses. I think when she saw a horse she felt at some peace and the pain would go away even if just for a few minutes. Or seconds.
Deep breath.
I remember about 2 weeks before she was diagnosed. We took her to the Big Apple Circus in Boston. She clearly did not feel well. She slept most of the time. She had some juice and that helped her. I didn't want to take her. But I also wanted her to experience the circus. I just kept her on my chest and covered her ears during the loud times. But when the horses came on. They were white, and had long beautiful mains. They were smaller. The music playing was beautiful. She woke up and watched intently. She moved her arms and hands around as if she was conducting them. It was a great moment that night for her. It was a great moment that night for me because she enjoyed herself. I felt that she felt at peace and happy for just about 5 minutes. We have it on video and I will try to find it and post it.
I miss her. The "miss" is deep. painful. Overwhelming.
We happened upon a white horse the other day with a beautiful long white main. We got some good snaps of her and we are going to print and frame her and hang it in Saoirse's room. I think her spirit will love that.
Deep breath.
I miss my daughter.
I am a husband. A dad. A business owner. My wife's cancer relapsed. We have a 3 year old. Did I mention my kid died of cancer? I write about all of it.
hi Mike - thank you for sharing this - as a father of 2 children - a son and a daughter I know how much we love our kids. I can't imagine how it must feel to really have to miss them. I think it's beautiful that you honor your daughter Saoirse with your very warm words. Horses are one of the most sensitive social beings I know. They don't need words to communicate. Take care. - Juan
ReplyDeleteI think Saoirse would love having the horse in her room. It's beautiful and free just like your little girl.
ReplyDeleteVery sweet Mike./
ReplyDeleteOH how my heart hurts for you. Still praying.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful. Thank you for sharing. Always praying for you and S. Love you all xoxoxo
ReplyDeleteLots of love, Mike. The picture in her room is a beautiful idea. I am so sorry for the deep pain and missing you're feeling and also happy for you that you can find her in your happy and calm moments too. You carry her with you - in the things you do because of her, in the things you notice because of her, in the smile you have remembering her, in the tears you have in missing her.
ReplyDeleteBest wishes to you and Kezia always,
Courtney Rasey
Thank you for writing Mike
ReplyDeleteCL
Horses are beautiful creatures. Yes, I have read that children feel comfortable when being with animals. That's why children usually have a therapy with dogs, dolphins, horses, etc. It helps them feel much better. Saoirse would love that hence to the picture of horse in her room. I am sure Saoirse is riding on the horse somewhere happily.
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