I have been thinking of Saoirse a lot. Actually its pretty much a constant thing. As I walk around our house I find myself really missing all the things that made Saoirse happy. I miss the toys spread out all over the house. She loved playing with her toys. I miss the tv playing her shows. She loved watching and dancing. I miss just watching her walk around the house, talking to herself and just enjoying life. I miss hearing her voice in the other room. I miss hearing her laugh. She had such a deep, cute fun laugh. I miss getting on the floor and crawling around with her. When she saw me get on all 4s, she immediately came over, laughing, smiling and then would proceed to try to jump on top of me.. Kezia would sometimes put Saoirse on my back and hold her while I pretended to be a horse and walk around the house. She loved that. I miss her hiding behind the recliner in the living room and peaking around the corner to see if I saw her. She loved playing hide and seek. I miss her playing with her musical walker. She knew how to make the music play she loved. Then she would just stand there and dance. I miss her dancing. I miss her playing with her horse magnets on the refrigerator. She loved those things. They are still as they were the last time she played with them. I miss her showing off her shoes. She loved her shoes. She was so proud of them. I miss holding her. I miss her trying to get the hat off of my head. I miss her picking at my nose. I miss her sticking her fingers in my mouth and feeling my teeth. I miss the look on her face when I asked her if she liked squash. I miss feeding her and I miss the sound her mouth made when she ate. I miss watching her try to feed herself with a spoon. She mastered this about a week before she passed. She was so proud of herself. I was so proud of her. I told her I loved her all the time. I still tell her I love her. All of the time.
Deep Breath
I miss watching her learn. She was so amazed at the smallest things.
I miss my daughter. Its a deep miss that really can not be explained.
Deep breath.
I am a husband. A dad. A business owner. My wife's cancer relapsed. We have a 3 year old. Did I mention my kid died of cancer? I write about all of it.
It is ok to think about her and miss all of those things she had done herself/with you all because it does help unless you decide to block them. Those are precious memories that you can remember and they will never go away because they are part of your life. It seemed that she was much fun to be with and was smart. I was glad to know about her for few months before she passed away.
ReplyDeleteI'm crying as I read this. I'm so sorry.
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