We had a beautiful child, Saoirse. I still find it hard to believe she is gone.

I miss her so much. I have so much to write about, and am. I will write more tonight. I need to. I had dreams last night that I was trying to get to her.. I could hear her crying for me. I kept going into different rooms.. I was running as fast as I could, but not moving. I was frustrated. All I wanted to do was find her, hold her, comfort her and let her know I love her.

Deep breath.

Picking for Kids Cancer© ™

We had a great time yesterday with my Mom and Dad. We went out to their property at Lake Carolle, IL and camped (in a camper) and then spent the day driving over to Le Claire, IA to visit Antique Archaeology (only an hour from my parents) (the tv show American Pickers). My mom has been having heart trouble (getting better) so I wanted to go see her. Anyway, Danielle who is also on the show with Mike and Frank opened a new resale shop with stuff she picks and also sells (she designs dresses - awesome dresses). Her shop is called "4Miles 2 Memphis". Her mom Sue runs it and Sue is wonderful. Well, this is the beginning of the story of yesterday. My mom was wearing her "Saoirse Pendent" and Sue noticed it and commented on it. My mom told Sue about Kezia and I's story (grammar is bad there i think - hey, its allowed :)). Well, turns out that Danielle's dad (Sue's Husband) has cancer, a leukemia. I was telling Sue about our story and how we struggled with money, and still are, while treating 2 family members with cancer. I was telling her about our foundation Fitzgerald Cancer Fund and how we are now raising money for Childhood cancer and families.

Sue did the most wonderful and unexpected thing,, she started giving us some really cool stuff to auction off on our site. Including a hand autographed photo that Danielle's dad took of her. We are going to auction that off for her mom and dad. The rest of the awesome stuff we are going to auction off for our foundation to help children with cancer. We were so touched. I can't wait to get home and take photos of the stuff (tshirts, signed posters, etc.. ) and get the auction kicked off. It would be great if Mike or Frank over at Antique could donate something small that was actually picked on the show. :)

Anyway, spending the time with my parents was great. They really enjoyed going there too and were excited for the foundation to have such wonderful stuff to auction off. They are incredibly supportive of us and the foundation.

Please pass this along

Hi Everyone..

I have a small request to all who view my blog and follow our fitzgeraldcancerfund Facebook page. I have a nice team set up to go with me to shave our heads in honor of Saoirse to help raise money for Childhood Cancer at Children's Hospital Boston. As most of you know, Saoirse was treated at Children's Hospital Boston. 

I need all of you to please pass this along to help raise money to sponsor me and Saoirse's team -- Team Saoirse. Please tell all of your friends. This is a very important cause and will help raise a much needed awareness for childhood cancer. 

Here is the link - http://www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/mikefitzgerald/kidscancerbuzz-off

Thank you :)

Lets get our hair cut :)

Today marks 4 months. I just can not believe it. I think about the past 4 months and it all seems like a blur. The past year seems like a blur. The past few nights i have not been able to sleep. My mind is flooded with the last few days of Saoirse's life and especially the last few hours of her life. I wish I could have saved her. I wish there was another way to help with out using Chemo. I miss her so much. I wish I could hold her. I wish she could come out and help and play in the garden while I plant. I see her smile in my minds eye all day long. She was so happy and loved to laugh. I was thinking about her voice yesterday and how cute it was. I really miss hearing her talk and just run around humming and having fun.

Deep breath....

On another note:  I have not cut my hair since last May.. It's almost been a year. I am having it cut soon. I will be participating in Kids Cancer Buzz Off on June 3rd and will be having my head shaved to raise money for Children's Hospital Boston. http://www.kidscancerbuzzoff.org/index.html

Before:

The last day to sign up to join my team to have your head shaved with me at Gillette Stadium is the 13th (today). I created a team you can join if you want to go and shave it all off with me at Gillette stadium on June 3rd 2012. All you have to do is go to http://www.kidscancerbuzzoff.org/index.html and sign up and join "Team Saoirse". When you click the "register now" it will direct you to the Firstgiving site which is where you create your account and it is only $35 to join and come along. Please consider this, all of the money raised goes to Children's Hospital. This will be a fun day.  If you are unable to make it, don't worry, you can still support me by visiting the link and make a donation. Even if it is only $5, it all adds up. here is the link:  http://www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/mikefitzgerald/kidscancerbuzz-off

Thank you so much and please share my blog with all of your friends. Childhood cancer needs desperate help. 

Buzz off

I have decided to cut my hair at the Kid's Cancer buzz off on June 3rd. Please visit

http://www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/mikefitzgerald/kidscancerbuzz-off

:)

Missing

I miss my daughter.

I have a wonderful partner.

deep breath.