Tuesday, December 18, 2012

A Smiling Earth and New Traditions

Having a rough Saoirse day. This time last year I was waiting for my daughter to be cremated. I feel for all of those parents in CT.

On the 13th, the anniversary of Saoirse's death, we decided to make some new traditions. We started with waking up crying. I didn't sleep very well and neither did Kezia. All of the moments of exactly one year prior were flooding my mind and I couldn't shake them.

We decided to go put the solar lights on the dedicated tree for Saoirse at Endicott Park. We walked with Fallon, its not too far from our house. It was a beautiful day, very sunny. Its felt as if the earth was smiling. We definitely felt Saoirse's presence with us. We walked back home and I put up lights on the house. I was actually excited about doing that. For the past year, I have been dreading the holidays. Just dreading them. I was against the tree and didn't want to put the lights on the house. However, the closer to the holidays it got, the more I allowed myself to feel for the holidays and get excited for the tree and the lights. It is extremely difficult. But I decided a log time ago that I am choosing to stand up and do positive things and make something good out of a sad tragedy. Kezia's family came over that night and we decorated our tree. So overall, it was a good day. It just sent a ping of emotions through me just to say that. Its just still so raw.

Deep breath

Here are a few pictures and a video

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