Its been a rough couple of days.. no, I take that back. Its been a rough year. And even more so the past couple of months. I find myself spending a lot of time just trying to make sense of what happened. It feels like I am trying to capture something. I just do not know what. I think I know. But I am not sure. I just miss my daughter so bad. I want to hug her. I want to just hold her and rock her to sleep. I want to play with her. I miss her laugh so bad. She had such a deep, real laugh. I know that when she laughed she felt better. I use to get her to laugh a lot. Her laugh was so awesome.
I just can't believe she is gone. yea I know, I know. her spirit is here. but the reality is, she is gone. That is the reality. I can hold her in sprit. I can not hold her in body. Ever again. This is extremely hard to comprehend. Mentally I get "she will always be with you in spirit". Emotionally, I do not. I do not want to discourage people from writing. Please do not take it that way. I will "get it" eventually I am told. I love the comments I get, and even look forward to them.
I am also trying to make sense of this "re-boot" our life. I think that is the wrong perspective. We need to just re-group.
I just don't get it. I am trying. I really am. And although I do a pretty god job of turing negative into positive, it is hard to do this. very hard.
More updates soon.